Things I Wanted To Be When I Was Younger – Pt. 1
Sorry, younger me. I never quite got around to doing what you wanted me to do so very much.
A Cowboy
Cowboys shot first and never even asked a question later. Cowboys were the only kind of people that made Cowboy hats look good. Cowboys knew how to start a fire using twigs. Cowboys walked really cool with loads of swagger. Cowboys rode horses. But then I fell off a horse when I was about 10 and I got a bit scared of them for a while.
In reality this takes: very little preparation, except I’m not in the wild wild west in the late 19th / early 20th century. Plus I might die before I become any good, what with all the syphilis from the whores and everything.
A Spaceman
By which I guess I mean an astronaut. I still want to do stuff with space. I just don’t know what. Swimming is fun, and zero gravity is like perpetual swimming without being wet. I’m not sure if that’s a pro or a con. This one’s not off the list just yet – I’m trying to swindle Richard Branson into giving me one of those space flights for free. By which I mean I’m hoping he’ll just call me up and offer me a seat on his space plane.
In reality this takes: something like 20 years of preparation. Fuck. That.
A Vet
I thought I could be a vet who just saves puppies lives by playing with them. Maybe there’s a Make A Wish Foundation For Puppies I could work in? Wait, no, that would be depressing.
In reality this takes: maybe seven years of med school and hundreds of thousands of dollars in study fees.
A Lawyer
I don’t know why. I think just because I would argue with my mum when I was a kid and she’d say “you’d make a good lawyer” and I took it to heart, except she probably didn’t mean it.
In reality this takes: more time at university than I’m willing to put in.
An X-Man
Or anyone with superpowers really, but the X-Men were my boys. If I was Wolverine I could be all poetic about my love for Jean Grey, but also be a bad ass and do some killing with my claws. Now that I’m older I realise that this dream has the highest chance of never coming true. That also makes me feel bad because despite knowing that, I still want superpowers.
In reality this takes: dreaming. Which sometimes I do, but then I can’t use my claws or teleport or move things with my mind after a while and then Juggernaut runs into me and it hurts.
