February 2012
66 posts
2 tags
Saturday Night
A short story about acknowledging your escapism, starring Darren. So this is what my night has resorted to. Drinking a leftover frozen coke I got three hours ago. I mean, don’t get me wrong, it’s tasty. It hits the spot. It fills that gap that’s there. That gap that surprisingly I thought company would fill, but it ends up that a plastic cup filled with frozen brown tinted sugar fills that gap...
Feb 24th
2 notes
3 tags
Hey, Girl
Hey Girl, Thanks for making an effort to talk to me last night. I did notice and I do appreciate it. In fact I thought you were really cute. I enjoyed that brief period where I held your hand and dragged you on to the dance floor for some song I don’t even know. You’re a good sport. Here’s the thing. As soon as that other dude started getting fresh I kind of stopped giving a...
Feb 24th
1 note
6 tags
Feb 23rd
2 tags
Saturday Night
A short story about acknowledging your escapism, starring Adam. Ugh. Why did Tessa bring me out tonight. I was far happier at home. Watching Friends. Yeah, I know Ross and Rachel get together at the end. It’s the journey that I enjoy. When it comes to escaping real life, at least. I already had my bourbon. I didn’t need to buy drinks. Maybe I should though. Maybe that would make me feel better....
Feb 23rd
1 note
4 tags
Friday Quotes
Sometimes people just say some great stuff. “I’m gonna have to pause you man - there’s a girl walking down the street who wants to fuck me.” “Let me stop you there. I don’t give a fuck about your new iPad. I never will.” “Predictive txt is like having a really, really controlling girlfriend.” “If I’m gay then you’re...
Feb 23rd
2 tags
Puds & Poetry
Creaming on the inside of some stove pipe jeans Stockings and skirts reaching for the floor Getting the hint from watching High Fidelity Jealous of the obsessive-compulsive top five lists
Feb 23rd
1 note
6 tags
The Pud Quiz: For Teenagers
If there’s one thing we all know, it’s how much of a drag being a teenager is. Hair in new places, blood in new places, boners every 10 minutes… being a teenager sure is the pits, right? Especially when it comes to relationships. So… PUD QUIZ, HOTSHOT! Here’s a handy little quiz for all those teenagers out there that are struggling through these really important relationship times...
Feb 22nd
2 tags
Puds & Poetry
Coarse tongues find licks on a windowsill. “Appalling!” They cry, “What salivates on this bench looking out to a field? “What wishes that it were on the reverse of this pane?” Grass beckons greener, but tricks the tongues. “Why lick, when rustic tastes are only found?” While the noses smell roses, but retaliate in disgust. “Fuck those petals,” they scream, “Fuck those stems, fuck those thorns....
Feb 22nd
3 tags
As Opposed To
Things That Work Better On Paper As Opposed To In Real Life Writing letters to someone Alliteration Origami Noughts and Crosses / Tic Tac Toe Making lists Confessing your love Things That Work Better In Real Life As Opposed To On Paper Breaking up with someone Rhyming Oralgami Kisses and hugs Making fists Confessing a crime
Feb 22nd
Let's Rap
Talk to us on tweetums. We want to be friends with you. Or we could get into a Twitter war, whatever.
Feb 21st
2 tags
Puds & Poetry
This Guy Might you just kiss the sky Wonder why With wonderment wandering away With allegories telling your tale With no one speaking your frail name You’d be neurotic if you weren’t insane You’d be a mountain if you weren’t so plane You’d be decisive if you weren’t so lame You’d be derailed if you weren’t a train You’d be confused of how you’re playing Reluctantly vain  Might you just kiss the...
Feb 21st
1 note
4 tags
Some Of The Many Lies I’ve Told
Where I Work I don’t actually work at a country club for rich people on the moon, cleaning their space golf courses. Anymore. Who I’m Friends With I’m not actually besties with Leonardo DiCaprio. We fell out after I wouldn’t give him some cocaine. That I Can Rock A Fedora I don’t actually wear any kind of head gear apart from top hats made out of rabbit intestines. That I’m In A Band I’m...
Feb 21st
1 note
2 tags
Puds & Poetry
I never want to grow up, death by some amusing abstract reference Tofu made me throw up one time when I was drunk and I ate it The very best thing about bunks is being on the top bed One time when I over thunk, I’m pretty sure I was dead
Feb 21st
1 note
4 tags
Rube In The City
February 18, 2012 Another weird one today. A girl on the street told me I looked stupid. I’m still not sure what it is about the city that gives people the kind of confidence to insult strangers. Nor what makes them think cowboy boots, jean shorts and a denim shirt look stupid. I suppose it’s one of those odd cultural differences that arises from the parochiality of what’s...
Feb 21st
1 note
3 tags
Today I learned
Today I learned there are certain types of cunts that like finger food.
Feb 20th
4 tags
Gum Stunner - An Introduction To Some Pud Prose
One of my favourite writers is Garth Ennis. He writes violent, he writes mean, and he writes offensively. And I love it. It’s probably a fairly obvious thing to say, but any form of anyone’s creativity will be influenced in one way or another by their favourite ideators.  I got hooked on the idea of Gum Stunner when it came to me. What started off as a bunch of misfits with cool denim jackets and...
Feb 20th
4 tags
Gum Stunner: Chapter 1
How it started I’ve got to give it to Biff. He knows people. More importantly, he knows how to read them. He’s a great judge of character who knows a sucker when he sees one. For an ex-junkie who’s lost everything, he’s still got confidence. Then again, no confidence means no scam, so he needs it. There he is now, walking out of a jewellery store with God knows how much cash when he walked in with...
Feb 20th
2 tags
Puds & Poetry
Aware the feeling is unreasonable The feeling is far from mutual, at best The making of something beautiful to someone else Is not something to claim It’s something I’ll keep to myself
Feb 20th
1 note
2 tags
Today I Learned
Today I learned that ‘separating your whites and your coloureds’ is a laundry tip, not a way to run a country.
Feb 20th
1 note
4 tags
Today I Was
Today I was sitting on the dock of bay wasting time and not getting the joke.
Feb 19th
2 tags
Today I Learned
Today I learned that if you don’t want to be seen when you’re hanging out on K Road, hiding in plaid sight is just as effective as hiding in plain sight.
Feb 19th
4 tags
Things I Thought Justin Lin Was Before Two Weeks...
An energy drink A brand of roller-skates A math guy A meme A type of concrete A cactus A type of smoking paraphernalia A series of Toyota cars A friend of a friend who was really popular A kitten people liked A shoe A district attorney Coffee A brother/sister band  The new addition to the Pitt-Jolie clan A reference to a videogame I haven’t played A violinist
Feb 19th
1 note
3 tags
Feeling Down?
Get high! ***This message was brought to you by a bad case of the Mondays***
Feb 19th
3 tags
Today I Learned
Today I learned that my flat is on the route for an ice-cream truck. Best hungover Sunday ever.
Feb 18th
1 note
6 tags
Casting Call: The Venture Bros.
Some time ago the Puds did a casting call for one of their favourite cartoons ever made. The Venture Bros. is one of the greatest animated shows to ever air - no two ways about that. As much as we don’t really want a live adaptation of the series, it’s still fun to imagine who would suit who if it was ever to come to life. Literally. Hank Venture Matt thinks – Michael Cera I can’t...
Feb 16th
5 tags
Celebrity Phobias
Magnuphobia - fear of Tom Selleck Boomophobia - fear of Michael Bay Typecastaphobia - fear of Matt Le Blanc Foreheadaphobia - fear of Christina Ricci Quirkaphobia - fear of Zooey Deschanel Onetrickponaphobia - fear of Rhys Darby Hourglassaphobia - fear of Christina Hendricks Biceplaphobia - fear of Madonna Howdyphobia - fear of John Wayne Frumpaphobia - fear of Maggie Gyllenhaal ...
Feb 16th
1 note
4 tags
Friday Quotes
Sometimes people just say some great stuff. “I would never hit a girl, but believe me when I say I have no problem with smacking a bitch.” “Punk’s not punk any more. It’s more like goth girls who like Zooey Deschanel.” “I was thinking about buying a ticket to Evanescence. Then I shot myself in the head, came back as a Zombie, buried my own grave and...
Feb 16th
1 note
3 tags
Today I Learned
Today I learned that the iPhone camera adds ten pounds to my nose.
Feb 16th
3 tags
Today I Learned
Today I learned that of all the things not to do on the first day of your new job, accidentally deleting a website is the top one.
Feb 15th
1 note
4 tags
Creepy, Brutal Honesty From The Puds
“Sure, you can call cute the new porn, but if you start flicking the bean to pictures of kittens you’ve crossed some kind of line.”
Feb 15th
3 tags
Today I Learned
Today I learned that boobs are a touchy subject. But masturbation is even more so.
Feb 15th
4 tags
WatchWatch
Matt asks the chicken why.
Feb 15th
2 notes
5 tags
WatchWatch
Sam gets a facial.
Feb 15th
5 tags
Feb 15th
4 tags
Feb 15th
4 tags
Feb 15th
1 note
4 tags
Feb 14th
3 tags
Today I Learned
Today I learned that buying a ticket to see The Sonics feels exactly as good as it sounds.
Feb 14th
1 note
2 tags
Today I Learned
Today I learned that if my friends and I are ever going to be successful we need to have nightly meetings at a coffee house.
Feb 13th
2 notes
4 tags
Feb 13th
1 note
3 tags
Feb 13th
1 note
3 tags
Feb 13th
Talk To The Puds
We are now on tweetums.
Feb 13th
5 tags
The Pitch: Pud Dating
Matt’s preparations for the date start about three hours before the agreed upon time. With 180 minutes on the clock, Matt starts basic mental preparations. Running through positive mantras i.e. ‘You know the guy who walks into a room and all the chicks dig? I am that guy,’ and, ‘There’s nothing to be afraid of.’ He paces up and down the hallway while he does so,...
Feb 12th
2 notes
Small Guest Blog: "Irony & Hypocrisy" with Benson...
Our friend from Texas, Benson Channingsworth of the Channingsworth fortune, wanted to write a small guest blog for us. Benson, over to you: - Irony & Hypocrisy That Jew from that fake news show isn’t funny. He’s all “As part of the non-biased liberal media, it’s up to us to tell you what’s wrong with Fox News”. -  Thanks Benson. See you again soon.
Feb 12th
5 tags
Today I Learned
Today I learned about eating meat. You know how people write words on toilet walls in bars?  Eat pussy Not meat  Eat pussy Not vegetables Because vegetables are gay  Eat meat Not pussy Because you’re gay  Eat vegetables Not meat Because you’re a pussy And then I was hungry. 
Feb 12th
4 tags
Words That Seem Dirtier Than They Actually Are
- Trigger - Crumpet - Contort - Bonaparte - Crevasse - Boysencider - Spurt - Follicle - Comfort - Pin Hole - Velvet - Dichotomy - Clam - Mapping - Prickle - Jiggle - Fritter - Cleft
Feb 12th
5 tags
Today I Learned
Today I learned that Tumblr to Miley Cyrus is like crack to Lindsay Lohan. It somehow made her hot.
Feb 10th
2 tags
Today I Learned
Today I learned that changing my wallpaper to a picture of Nicki Minaj may be the first time in a long time that I’ve had to question who I am. I blame Matt.
Feb 8th
2 notes
6 tags
Feb 8th
1 note